Why do we never feel loved?

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I will express this information succinctly, because that is the point of a blog. I will post the video I learned it from, for a more indepth look at this issue. It is a mindblower, that is helpful for anyone on the path towards……please help me! I’m broken and I can’t fix it!

I never feel enough love. I never feel satisfied with my friends or family. They feel shallow and hollow, always looking out for their own gains and never truly understanding me. This world cannot give me what I want. I have visions of ideal love and understanding that, literally, will never exist.

My ideals haunt me. I will never achieve peace, and never get what I want, because my desires do not exist. It is horrifying.

Psychoanalyst Jaques Lacan, long ago, looked deep into the abyss of this problem and found a solution. Hell yeah! He acknowledges that we will never have the ideal love and comfort that we had as babies. It was all an illusion. All we feel is lack. Every one of us merely feel a lack in our lives, dogging us to the end of the earth. It is the source of our neuroses. He identified this problem.

He found a solution, as well. What is better than trying to squeeze love out of a person who is also lacking as well? Reflecting the lack back and forth with that person. Understanding the lack in that person, and expressing our own lack. Bonding over our shared brokeness. This, too, can create the feeling of love. Feedback systems are, obviously and not intuitively, cyclical. Your partner may not give you the love you need, but you can both connect to each other by sharing in each other’s lack. Find someone who lacks the same way you do! This makes sense to me. I feel better. Thanks Jaques Lacan. Video below………it’s about the movie Boss Baby, because Wisecrack don’t give a fuck.

 

 

I need to share an important lesson I’ve learned. I also want to point out that this blog is not meant to be read like a regular blog. Feel free to go back and read older posts. I am a poor blogger. I am not good at a thought of the week type of deal. This is a thought-dump site for anyone who chooses to discover it. I imagine someone like myself finding it and being helped, or whatever.

Anyway, plug to Wisecrack on Youtube, who teaches me things that school, even up to my graduate degree, failed to teach me. They explore lost philosophers and psychoanalysts that I have never heard of. Thank you for your service, boys! I am famished for information, and you feed me!

 

Dream Sequence#??

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All I had was a bag of awkward prom clothes that would look embarrassing on me, and I didn’t have a razor to shave. Let me back up.

I started out trapped in a dorm situation with hazy versions of my lady friends. I say trapped because obviously I’m free of that smelly-sock cafeteria-food nightmare now. We have to clean our room, because we’re going to be “inspected.” I say “fuck that, I’ll do it in ten minutes” and leave to check out the rest of the building.

As I am walking, I am informed that there is a sexy clothing party tonight for us in a different building, and for some reason it is an elementary school. Dream or not, I want to check that shit out.

Let me explain: sometimes I’m aware I’m dreaming, and sometimes I get lost in the dream. It is like being stoned, where sometimes you know you are stoned and sometimes you forget that you got stoned. Surely that should track with most people.

Anyway, I went back to my dorm room and my friends had arranged all their shit into neat little squares, like little shit forts. Meanwhile, my shit was all strewn awkwardly in the corner still. My heart started to race. They were all wearing nice outfits for the party. I started digging through my pile, and only found a couple dresses that didn’t fit the mood. One was a slinky black dress that seemed too formal. The other was a flowy hippie gown that felt….embarrasing. I had nothing trendy to wear. I would have to go with jeans and a T-shirt or someshit. I looked over, and one of my friends with awesome clothes had on these boots with elaborate gems and embroidery, and I was like, “damnit!”

Not only that, but I was hairy! I asked her if I could borrow a razor….I meant a clean one…a disposable one….any shave cream?…..you know what soap is fine…..Somehow I tripped and lost the razor. I ended up sitting downstairs watching TV, and watching the clock. I was procrastinating. Then, I was sitting outside. My friends had left. I had no car. I had no way to get to the party, now. I have social anxiety so I am afraid to use Uber. Suddenly, my ex-boyfriend appeared out of nowhere. He shows up sometimes, for no reason. He sort of comforted me, even though I didn’t want him there. I didn’t want him to drive me to the party. I woke up.

TL;DR time!

Sorry if that was sort of boring…feel free to skim it. Anyway, psychology always says that some parts of us may be young, and need updating. Some parts of me are still afraid that I’ll embarrass myself and wear the wrong clothes and forget to shave. So, I updated that part of me in the shower with some new information…….

I look damn sexy in jeans in a T-shirt 😉 Peace and namaste, all!

(this is not me……………lol)

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Tarantulas

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It’s funny the things you think when you are afraid of something.
When I was afraid of spiders, looking at their bulbous abdomen made me
think about it being full of disgusting fluid, or poison, or rot. Now,
I see it as a lovely round orb of a body. I see them differently, now
that I understand them. When I see them scrabbling, or curled up, I do not
recoil in horror. I realize now that they are experiencing fear themselves.
They are responding to their environment with extreme reactions, because
they are fragile creatures. They are aggressive for the same reason. They
run fast for the same reason. All the signals that tell me to fear them, are
indicative of their fear as well.